Sunday, 16 February 2014
On Raising a Male Feminist by Naomi Elana Zener
My darling son, in life respect women you must.
Failure to do so means sex life will be a bust.
Heed my guidance in earnest sex shall be dandy,
Satisfaction you’ll find whenever you’re randy.
If you spot a girl, smile, flirt, next to her pull up a seat,
Buy her a drink, but don’t treat her like a piece of meat.
Rather, should you meet a woman via a dating site online,
Lie about looks, height and money, you’ll be labeled swine.
Before getting down to business, first buy her dinner.
But if it’s Kentucky Fried Chicken, you won’t be a winner.
Cheap out on a meal, expect her not to put out,
In bed your name you’ll never hear her shout.
She’s a fine complex wine to enjoy, not a cheap beer,
Put her up on a pedestal to love and revere.
Do not have sex in an airplane, train or car,
Do not have sex in a washroom, resto or bar.
All are cramped, unhygienic with bad lighting,
Coitus rushed in tight spaces will lead to fighting.
A bed, high thread count sheets sets the right mood,
Eat chocolate covered strawberries, aphrodisiac food.
Soft candlelight, mojo music both great window dressing,
Forget condoms, bastard children will never be a blessing.
Foreplay is not overrated contrary to your dad’s advice,
Third base is still relevant, and don’t wear Old Spice.
Remember, reciprocate, to her return the favour,
Doing so equals high praise as her orgasm saviour.
Take your time, don’t rush, no prize for coming in first,
Sex is not a race, too quick a lover and you’ll be her worst.
Each time won’t be perfect, practice makes perfect you’ll see,
Toys may add to her pleasure and help out mechanically.
Once you’re done with your fun roll in the hay,
Stay put for post-coital cuddles, don’t run away!
Even if it’s a booty call, which I’ll ignore and condone,
In bed you must stay to spoon, don’t leave her alone.
For the day will come when you think you’ve met ‘the one,’
Just to discover you’re her Mr. Right Now, there only for fun.
A role held often by women, you won’t like wearing her shoes,
Left feeling cheap and tawdry, for sex you will have been used.
To avoid heartbreak, don’t use women for sex, it’s not a game,
Womanizers get herpes, having themselves only to blame.
Follow my tips and your woman will be sexually satisfied,
Giving her great orgasms, you’ll swear in bed she cried.
Should one day the right woman marry you, she will be in luck,
Unlike your dad, keep up hot sex daily or your marriage will suck.
© 2014. Naomi Elana Zener. All Rights Reserved.