The trial against 6-year old Rachelle
Dobkins, allegedly known as Ricky D in the underground cigarette sales black
market, began today at the Beverly Hills, California courthouse, just a stone’s
throw away from Sprinkles, the infamous cupcakery. Rachelle is being sued in a
landmark precedent-setting case by her parents, Sam and Sally Dobkins,
Rachelle’s parents, both life long non-smokers, allege that their daughter’s
two-pack a day cigarette addiction is the sole cause of their respective Stage
Two Adenocarcinoma and Stage Four Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Codefendants in the
case are Phillip Morris, Reynolds American, and Lorillard. The Big Three
tobacco companies were named in the suit as coconspirators who helped in the
development of Sam and Sally’s life threatening disease by virtue of producing
the product that their daughter ingested daily in the family’s home. When asked
by reporters prior to the start of the lawsuit why they couldn’t get their 6
year old daughter to stop smoking, given that they are her parents and she was
doing in their home, Sam responded by saying: “No matter what we did, she found
a way to smoke in our house. Have you ever tried reasoning with children?
They’re like Hamas and it’s impossible to negotiate with terrorists.”
Sam and Sally Dobkins’ counsel opened his
case by arguing that playgrounds at school are dangerous places, where
impressionable children are exposed to all sorts of behaviors. During Rachelle’s attorney’s opening
statement to the jury, he plead with them to throw the case out for lack of
merit. He was quoted as saying “[h]ow plausible is it for a child of such a
young age to develop a smoking habit, let alone have earned enough allowance to
buy black market cigarettes without the help of her parents? How could young
Racheele even find a black market to sell her the cigarettes, let alone even
develop a taste for the cancer causing agent.”
Rachelle’s attorney went on to portray
Rachelle as a law abiding 6 year old who fills her days with reading, writing,
and arithmetic in her grade one class at P.S. 90210 in Beverly Hills,
California.
Attorneys for the Big Three tobacco
companies all stated emphatically in their opening remarks that the case is
without merit and should be summarily dismissed with costs assessed on the
Dobkins for their legal fees.
Claiming to be good Christian folk who’ve
never touched a nicotine-filled stick a day in either of their lives, Sam and
Sally believe that in teaching their daughter and the other kids at school that
smoking is verboten, the school made it appealing for Rachelle to find
temptation in the forbidden fruit that is nicotine. Adding to that temptation
was the peer pressure of other children in the schoolyard, and to avoid being a
victim of bullying, Rachelle unwillingly took her first drag of her first
cigarette on their premises, enabling her lifelong cancer stick addiction. On
her first inhale, she was hooked, and before both she and her parents knew it,
Rachelle was stealing twenties out of her mother’s purse to buy cigarettes from
the neighborhood smokes dealer when playing at the park.
Rachelle’s attorney countered by alleging
that her parents’ respective cancers were in fact caused by their own secret
cigarette addition that they’ve vehemently denied having. Rachelle’s attorney claimed that this was an
absurd publicity stunt on the part of her parents to get their medical bills
covered, including Sally Dobkins birth control prescriptions, since their
employer-provided medical coverage refused to pay for both their lifesaving
chemotherapy treatments and Sally Dobkins’ IUD. At the time of printing, Hobby
Lobby, Sam and Sally Dobkins’ employer, could not be reached for comment.
Currently, Rachelle is living under state
supervision in a foster home, where her foster parents are accepting of all
forms of addiction, including smoking. Being former nicotine addicts
themselves, although Rachelle and her attorney continue to deny that she is in
fact a smoker, the foster parents took in the little girl in the hopes of
reforming any possible smoking addiction that she may or may not have. At the close of day one in court, Rachelle
could be seen strategizing with her attorney and those for the Big Three tobacco
companies, outside of Sprinkles. Everyone, but for Rachelle, was seen calming
their nerves with a cigarette. Rachelle was seen eating a cupcake, something
that each attorney for the Big Three tobacco companies disavowed, claiming that
“sugar will kill you.”
Stay tuned for day two of the case, when
the Dobkins’ attorney begins to present their case-in-chief.
© 2014. Naomi Elana Zener. All Rights
Reserved.
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