Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Hello Mother, Hello Father by Naomi Elana Zener

Hello muddah, hello faddah,
I’m at Camp ISIS Intifada.
Life here’s very, very straining,
My joy for killing infidels I’ve been feigning!

I cleaned weapons with Al-Abhivey,
Moved dead bodies, got poison ivy.
Stuck doing dishes after dinner,
My bright idea to join ISIS wasn’t a winner!

All the jihadists deeply hate women,
Water’s full o’blood, can’t go swimmin’!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi hates Hello Kitty,
So, he’s banned her image from Aleppo city.
And, while I don’t want to scare you,
They may now know that dad’s a half-Jew!
My iPod’s broken, cell’s got no reception,
I was lured here under pretence of deception!
Bring me home, oh muddah, faddah.
Bring me home, I can’t do no Intifada.
Please don’t leave me, here in Syria,
Where beheadings are more common than diphtheria!

Bring me home, I won’t make any radical noise,
Or, mess the house with my jihadist toys.
Don’t make me stay here, they’re fucking crazy;
If we don’t kill enough people they say we’re lazy!

Dearest faddah, darling muddah,
How's my precious little bruddah?
Keep him out of ISIS Internet chatrooms;
Or, soon he’ll be here with me cleaning bathrooms!

Wait a minute; someone’s coming.
Guns are shooting, guys are running.
U.S. airstrikes, it’s getting worse than better.
Muddah, faddah, I’ll be dead before you get this letter!

© 2014. Naomi Elana Zener. All Rights Reserved.


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