Merry Christmas!
That time of year is now here.
Deep in wallets we stretch,
To buy kids gifts and good cheer.
My quest is for 1980s childhood toys,
That once delighted both girls and boys.
As an adult, no more have I mine,
My father threw them out, I whine.
To replace them today, a fortune they cost.
A goldmine of toy treasures has been long lost.
Scouring eBay high and low,
Through Etsy search pages I go.
In my pursuit for the simulacrum Holy Grail,
To pay prices asked, on my Visa I’ll
self-impale.
I must begin with exorbitant Exhibit A.
An 80s nonpareil so costly, to my dismay.
A Cabbage Patch Doll, untouched, new in
box.
To buy, I must sell my shirt, pants, both
socks.
1985 was the ‘it’ year for that doll.
Upon seeing its price, my mouth surely did
fall.
Way back in the day they were had for max
fifty.
High price for our folks, but those kids
were so nifty.
New versions made today are total shit.
So, to Ebay my search I did submit.
Pay no less than two hundred smackers large,
To creepy collectors who are in charge.
You can click “buy it now” for ease and avoid,
Bidding wars amped up on anabolic steroids.
Fear not, I tell myself, you must buck up
Perhaps My Little Pony’s the tea in kids’
cup.
First generation of the vintage variety,
Much cuter than ones in current society.
For thousands of dollars the plastic ponies
will sell.
Diamonds are cheaper, I’m in seventh circle
of Hell.
The high price on Rainbow Brite’s head gave
me a fright.
To buy it, I can’t pay mortgage for a
fortnight.
Recall the siren song of that minx Teddy
Ruxpin,
Paying that kind of money for faux fur is a
sin.
If I buy one more scented Strawberry
Shortcake,
When Hubby sees Visa, ‘twill be my ass that
bakes.
I can’t even think about adding a Glo Worm.
To do so means Husband will have to sell
sperm.
Beyond my snack bracket are vintage
Transformers.
I’d have to dance in bars for naked
performers.
Forget Gem, her Holograms, She Ra, and He
Man.
Bid on them, my family will live in trash
cans.
Nonetheless, I got caught up in a spending
spree.
Call me shopaholic, childhood anew ain’t
free.
Prized toys arrive, mine now once again.
Hoping my kids will be in heaven.
But, alas ‘twas not to be the case,
Evidenced by the look seen on my face,
Opened, stared at, then promptly discarded.
With “I told you so,” I’m now being bombarded.
When toys are swapped out to play with
iPad,
Technology today has made me sad.
“So what,” I say looking down at my haul.
I’m 8 once again, feeling proud and quite
tall.
Bending down to play with my toys on one knee,
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah I wish to
me.
© 2016. Naomi Elana Zener. All Rights
Reserved.
