Saturday, 18 April 2020

Body Snap Back! by Naomi Elana Zener

Woe to me, my body no longer divine!
What has happened to this ass of mine?
Once taut and firm, ‘twas oh so appealing.
Now my size 27 jeans it is no longer feeling.
Oh sweet baby because of you I glow with pride,
Yet I have no waistline after this pregnancy ride.
Yes I knew gaining weight was part of the deal,
But did I have to ingest food with such zest and zeal?
You really only need to gain twenty pounds doctor advised.
If that's so true I now blame hormones for my new size.
Never before my pregnant life did a sweet tooth have I,
Yet with each baby kick I could not pass one dessert by.
As the saying goes with chips you can't eat just one,
I ate three whole bags daily and now weigh one ton!
My breasts resemble two-liter milk bags from the grocery store,
Enormous, saggy, floppy now hanging down to the floor.
Bras now accentuate deposits of fat on my back,
Hidden only by dresses that look like a potato sack.
Mirrors I must avoid, like a bear I hibernate,
Hoping one day my size will drop to an eight.
To return to size four is just crazy talk,
A fantasy my new thunder thighs mock!
Waving the flag I surrender to thigh chafing and burn,
But not for one moment of skinny my baby would I return! 
To hubby I complained of my voluptuous state,
No matter what I consumed I did not lose weight.
But I love you he said no matter what size,
That's very cute, but don't tell me such lies!
“You will always be beautiful in my eyes,” hubby said,
Not terribly convinced after finding Playboy under the bed. 
Motivated by my kid I wanted to be the picture of health,
Diet-delivery and personal trainers ate up my wealth.
Over time I lost my mom jeans and muffin top,
But occasional indulgences in cupcakes did not stop.
With a better body than I had pre-pregnancy,
Six months post-partum rather than three.
Able to sport my Prada, DVF and Miu Miu,
No longer did my body belong in the zoo.
Hubby appreciative of the results he observed,
Telling his friend I'm hot and sexy I overheard.
Out to dinner to celebrate the new body my trainer gave me,
Hubby raised his glass for a toast suggesting another baby.
Only having five minutes to enjoy my new physique,
No thank you, no maim to my body will I seek!
“Don't be silly,” he said, “you'll lose the baby weight again.”
Excitement for another pregnancy, I could not feign.
“Another baby is worth it,” he expressed unconvincingly.
A large family he wanted kids totaling three.
Confounded was I wearing an expression of vex,
How could he think with him I'd now have sex!
Not ready to return to a Shamu state of blubber,
Hubby don't ever come near me without wearing a rubber!

© 2020. Naomi Elana Zener.  All Rights Reserved.